For the longest time I refused to say “cancer was a gift.” But as time goes by and I reflect on my “new” life, I will admit, “cancer was a gift.” Not in the sense it was a nice adventure, but that it woke me up to the fact that someday I will be dead. My ride on this amazing planet will be over and when it does happen (someday) I do not want to have regrets.
Before cancer, I lived my life probably like many others; maybe even you. I did what I thought I was “supposed” to do, in order to be accepted and fit in to society, even though there was always a voice inside me that said, “this is not who you are.”
If cancer had not kicked me in the ass (pun intended) I would still be running around like a crazy woman trying to earn money, so I could buy things, I do not need. I would still be putting up with bosses who were on “ego trips.” I would still be stressed out and not know it! It would seem normal to me because I didn’t understand there was a better way to live. Why? Because everyone I knew lived the same way as me. We were all patients in the same nuthouse, but we didn’t know it because we numbed ourselves with pills, alcohol, shopping or zoning out in front of the television.
I would still be saying “yes” to people when I really wanted to say “no.” I would still be caught up in the petty drama that so many of us engage in on a daily basis. There is something about being told “you have a good chance of dying within a year” that puts things in perspective. Suddenly sitting in traffic isn’t such a big deal. Hey! I’m alive and I’m sitting in traffic! I can listen to music, practice my breathing, be present in the moment or whatever else. The fact is. I am alive. I have the opportunity to turn my life around.
Meditation and Buddhist philosophy has helped me a great deal with understanding myself. If it weren’t for cancer, I might not have continued with the practice and taken it seriously, incorporating its teachings in to my daily life.
After cancer, I changed how I present myself to the world. I stopped caring what others think about me. I speak my truth. I changed my diet. I take time for myself. I disconnect from social media one day a week. I even got rid of my cell phone (I had the old flip phone anyway because I refused to upgrade to an over priced Smartphone). I went back to a landline.
I stopped watching cable news (their energy coming over the airwaves was polluting my environment). I do check in briefly online for an update, but I don’t get sucked in to the drama and propaganda.
I finally came to the understanding, I am responsible for my behavior and I now choose to bring positive energy wherever I go. I can’t change the behavior of others but I can do something about mine.
Lately I am looking at off the grid lifestyles. Hubby and I talked about having an animal sanctuary years ago but haven’t done much about getting that going. We have rescued many animals the past sixteen years but we want a small farm where we can grow our own veggies and rescue more critters.
This morning I woke up thinking, “I turn 60 this year. What am I waiting for? Let’s get this chapter started!”
From now on, I will learn everything I can how to do that. I don’t know where the money will come from to make it happen, but I can’t worry about that. I just have to get started and things will come together.
What do you dream of doing with your life? What’s holding you back from achieving it? Don’t wait. Do it now. Just go for it!
Be well and follow your desires,