This morning I started my day doing my usual routine: Walking the dogs and feeding the cats. Then I sat down to meditate for twenty minutes. Lily, my youngest kitty decided she would rip the corner of the carpet so she could pull off a thread and chase it around the room. My meditation time turned in to me getting up to stop her (several times) from ripping off more carpet and then yelling at her. Before I knew it my timer went off. My twenty minutes were up. I was too aggravated to sit still anyway.
I think our pets pick up on our energy, or did I attract that energy? The teachings of Law of Attraction says it definitely was me.
My plan today is to continue researching alternative therapies as it relates to disease and then write about them, but I find myself distracted. My thoughts are elsewhere. A few days ago, Kris Carr, a blogger I follow since I was in cancer treatment, wrote a post about the importance of writing one’s thoughts in a journal or a blog. This is a quote from her post:
“… Personally, I write what I need to read. I write what I need to say. But most of all, I write to get to know myself—to better understand what I want, how I want to feel, and what’s troubling (or exciting) me…”
I decided to change my plans for now and write about what’s bugging me.
This may come as a shock to some of you but I am not as cool, calm and collected as I appear. There are days I want to sock someone in the eye who is (in my opinion) behaving like a bully . I know it is not good for me to get angry over bullshit and compared to battling cancer, my problems are pretty much all bullshit, but there are times I can’t help myself. Without going in to detail, there is someone in my condo complex who has nothing better to do than create chaos and drama. He sit’s on the HOA board. He’s a bully and has been getting away with it for too long.
As I’m writing this I know my annoyance isn’t about him (I think). I know I cannot control anyone’s behavior except my own and allowing him to invade my thoughts means he’s already won. The funny thing is he is not picking on me. He is attempting to enforce a rule that may affect me though… IF I choose to follow it. But when have I ever followed any rule that I see as stupid or as an attempt to have control over the behavior of others? The answer is rarely.
I am not the only one pissed off at this man. The next meeting is this Wednesday and I am told there will be plenty of angry people showing up. At the same time, I know that what people say they’ll do, is not necessarily what they actually do. I have to wait until Wednesday to find out.
After my cancer diagnosis, I told myself I would change the way I dealt with difficult people and situations; no more obsessing over someone else’s bad behavior. I think I’m getting better, but today… not so much. Hopefully I am purging this nonsense out of my “monkey brain” right now. Stress is so bad for our health! I’ve blogged about it. I tweet about it and I tell my cancer patients all the time. I tell myself. My priority is to keep myself as healthy as possible. I’m very good sticking to my healthy diet. I’m pretty good doing my exercises. I still need work when it comes to controlling stress.
Later on I will go back to meditate. Lily is taking her afternoon nap. The house is pretty quiet. I will focus on what I’m grateful for. There are many others in this world who would trade problems with me in a heartbeat. I also believe in karma. The energy we put out will come back to us and that includes bullies. This particular person will eventually push around the wrong person and he will end up with a black eye.
I have given this person too much of my precious time. I’m done obsessing over it. I have important things to do, information to share. I have been given a second chance at life and I want to do it right this time.
I ask the Universe, the Great Goddess or whoever may be listening… “could you send me some Buddhalicious, Zen-like wisdom before Wednesday, or sooner?”
Thank you Kris for sharing your thoughts on your blog. It came when I needed to hear them. Hopefully my words will help others who read it. My life didn’t come with instructions and neither did yours. I believe we can figure things out together… we aren’t that different.