I know this was the look on my face when I was trying to convince a patient to eat today. 99% of the time I do not get upset with patients, but today I was very frustrated and it centered around a sandwich.
I have known this patient for over a month. He has lost massive amounts of weight since we first met. I always bring him something to eat and usually he does not eat it. He always has the same excuse. He doesn’t feel like eating.
When I was going through treatment I was the same way. I didn’t want to eat and when I did, I usually threw it up. I finally started eating when I ate cannabis cookies. It helped me with the nausea and I got hungry. I told him to get a medical cannabis card and he did. He told me today that the cannabis didn’t work for him. I told him that everything he was going through was normal, but he had to work through it and eat anyway; he has to force himself to eat. He told me he just can’t. We went round and round and I found myself getting pissed off.
I know I shouldn’t. He is the patient. It’s his life. But sometimes it drives me crazy when I hear (what I think are) stupid excuses of why someone doesn’t want to do something they know is in their best interest. When I was sick, I was determined to get well. I was willing to do anything I needed to do that. If my doctors told me to lick the lawn for 10 minutes a day, I would have done it.
The only thing this guy has to do is eat. There is nothing physically stopping him from eating. It’s all in his head. He is being stubborn and his stubbornness will kill him and that’s why I’m frustrated.
Don’t get me wrong, I was as pleasant as I could be with him but my face probably showed my frustration. I was telling him how important it was to eat. I had all sorts of suggestions for him. He shot every one of them down. He told me that he knew I was right but he just could not eat; inside my head I was thinking, ” Eat the fucking sandwich dude!!!” If he was my husband, I would have told him that out loud, but I am not his relative. His decision is out of my control.
I just don’t get people though. If he couldn’t eat because he physically can’t (he can get a feeding tube if that’s the case) or if he throws it back up, then I understand his reasoning. But this is not the case. He just doesn’t want to and I guess that is what pissed me off.
Thanks for listening…
Believe it or not, I meditated before I wrote this 🙂 Can you imagine what I would have written if I didn’t? There would have been several more f-bombs thrown in, I guarantee that.