If I had to describe myself, I think I would say I am a Bohemian at heart, even though most of the time I don’t dress that way… but that’s because when I was in the working world, not many jobs allow for individuality when it comes to clothing options — especially in the restaurant business. And when one works 40 hours + a week (when I worked 2 jobs) why buy an extensive wardrobe for my days off? Tee shirts and jeans were pretty much my staple.
The Urban Dictionary defines a bohemian as somebody who leads an alternative lifestyle, they are not hippies because they can have an extremely wide range of different tastes in music, fashion, art, literature etc. — they are usually very creative people. they are above all optimists, even if they can be very cynical too(it does make sense…sort of). they like wearing a mixture of weird clothes and mix different fashions together just for the heck of it. they like weed. generally very laid back and relaxed. I probably wouldn’t call myself relaxed, but I am working on that… that’s where the mediation comes in.
I do walk to the beat of a different drummer and since I no longer have to answer to a boss… my drum beat has gotten quite loud. I also see myself as a non-conformist. Traditional ways of doing things never appealed to me. I was always interested in alternative medicines, tarot, spirituality; I am optimistic and a smart-ass; I was always interested in health food, the environment (long before global warming was discussed) and shopping second hand stores — whether it was for furnishings or clothes. I always liked vintage, funky looking cars. I have also been known to create what I call upcycled art. I have extended my interests now to include Buddhism, yoga and meditation. Yes, I I’ll say I am a Bohemian, if I were asked what group I felt I belonged to…even though I don’t fit well in actual groups. I don’t like to be pigeon holed. Ok, maybe Bohemian non-conformist describes me better.
I don’t know what got me started on wondering where I fit in — maybe it’s when hubby and I were talking about how people naturally gravitate to those who have the same values, ethnicity and lifestyle choices. I wouldn’t say I do because, to be honest I am pretty much a loner. I like being around others, but on my own terms — maybe that’s because for most of my adult life, my jobs required me to be social and I didn’t get a lot of time to myself. I will have to meditate on that some more… or not. Maybe I will just quote Popeye — “I am what I am” and leave it at that. Sometimes I can think about certain things to death.
Next month I turn 58. Hubby says 58 going on 13 and that’s pretty true. 58 is a strange number for me. I am not your average 58 year old-to- be. I prefer interacting with younger people. I just don’t have things in common with those my age. I like loud music and blast my car stereo when a song comes on that I want to “rock out to.”
I am not a grandmother, even though my son is 35 and I am ok with that. Most women my age either have grandkids or complain they don’t. It doesn’t bother me a bit. I admit I am more comfortable hanging out with the guys — always have. It’s not that I don’t like women — I am one, I just don’t have much in common with them. Does that make me weird? When I lived in San Francisco my friends were gay males, but again my time with them was limited because I enjoyed spending time by myself. We mostly hung out at gay discos. Did I mention I am also a disco queen?
Maybe that’s where I get caught up in the — “where do I fit in?” question. If I think about it, I can be a chameleon and fit in with whatever group I am with at the time…sort of “love the one your with.” And I guess that’s ok. Hubby says I have many layers to my personality — I guess we all do. Right? Maybe the real reason I’m thinking about this stuff is because my birthday is coming up and in dog years, I am pretty dang old.
Do you ponder such things?